Bible Quest Podcast
Discussing the events of today and tomorrow through a Biblical lens.
Bible Quest Podcast
Episode 129 - The Path Forward Is Rarely Straight
After nearly three years of silence, Bible Quest Podcast returns with a deeply personal conversation that bridges the gap between past and future. This special reunion episode finds former co-hosts Bruce and Ally sitting down to explain their extended absence and the profound life changes they've experienced since listeners last heard from them in April 2022.
The conversation unfolds with remarkable honesty as they recount losing their chiropractic practice in 2023, which triggered a cascade of changes including multiple moves and a divorce after 27 years of marriage. Despite the end of their marriage, their friendship and mutual respect remain evident throughout their dialogue.
Ally shares her journey of self-discovery, revealing how she's come to embrace her authentic identity after decades of internal conflict. She discusses her evolving relationship with faith and spirituality, now embarking on a journey of questioning and exploration without external pressure. Her candor about losing religious friendships while finding unexpected support from others offers a moving portrait of navigating significant life transitions.
Meanwhile, Bruce opens up about his continued passion for ministry and biblical study, sharing his vision for the podcast moving forward. He hints at potential future projects including books and possibly entering formal ministry work. As the sole continuing host, he explains how the format will shift from the conversational style listeners knew to more interview-based content focused on biblical perspectives on current events.
What makes this conversation extraordinary isn't just its transparency, but how it models respectful dialogue between people whose paths have diverged. Their discussion about the importance of allowing others to follow their own spiritual journeys without manipulation or judgment transcends their personal story to offer wisdom for navigating disagreement with compassion.
Whether you're a returning listener curious about their absence or new to the podcast, this episode provides both closure and a fresh beginning. Subscribe now to follow Bible Quest Podcast 2.0 as Bruce explores biblical perspectives on our rapidly changing world through new conversations and insights.
Hello everyone, welcome to the Bible Quest podcast. My name is Bruce and with me today is no Longer Allie. No longer Allie.
Speaker 2:Well, yes, I am, you call me Allie still, I still call you Allie. Your family calls me Allie and there's some people that we knew that still call me that.
Speaker 1:So this is the first podcast we have done in three years yes, podcast we have done in three years, yes, so we we did have some people that would listen to the podcast regularly, but we do know now that this is going to be brand new for, like, everybody listening. So we're going to have to do a little bit of backing up to explain some things because probably you listening don't know what we're talking about, uh, so we're going to back up a little bit and then we're going to go forward and there has been a little gap in between podcasts.
Speaker 2:So the last podcast that we did was on April 29th 2022. Sorry about our dogs in the background.
Speaker 1:You'll still hear them in the old ones if you go back.
Speaker 2:Yes, and then and we had more back then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we've lost two dogs and a cat.
Speaker 2:And a cat, and so today is May 19th of 2025. So it's been almost three years.
Speaker 1:And we originally. The very first podcast was done in April. No, it was May. I think May 2nd Of 2019. Yeah, so we did them for about three years, took a break for about three years, three years, and now we're back. We're back. Well, you're back, although this is going to almost be after this point. Bible Quest Podcast 2.0.
Speaker 1:Really, because it's going to be a redo kind of what used to be in these podcasts, but this is kind of an update as far as, like all that has happened, why there was a three-year break and there's been a lot happening between us too so okay, so much has happened, so let's backtrack to some of the big stuff.
Speaker 2:Um, so one of the big things that happened was in march the end of march of 2023. We lost the practice, the chiropractic practice. We're both chiropractors, but I wasn't practicing at the time. I did more of the administrative side and you actually were practicing and, due to COVID, we ended up losing that. That happened to be attached to the home we were living in as well. The office was downstairs and that's in the previous podcast. We were upstairs.
Speaker 2:We lived upstairs, which was a very nice commute to work yes, and so when we were late that was awkward, so anyway. Um, so we lost that left and that was down like in a little town, just so, just west pretty much of Branson, missouri, and so from went to Oklahoma again, a little west of Oklahoma City, a little west, yes, to Oklahoma.
Speaker 1:City.
Speaker 2:And that was traumatic.
Speaker 1:That whole loss, the whole loss, the whole having to get out of where we were living, having the police called on me. We won't go into that I mean, it was a lot, there was a lot that happened Unjustly, just so you know. Yeah, it was, there was a lot, there was a lot that happened unjustly, just so you know the whole call was unjust, because even when the police officer came out.
Speaker 2:that police officer was not kind of express like how traumatic that whole move and loss was. Is in the midst of all that we actually got separated, we were separating and we ended up getting divorced and that was overshadowed by the trauma of the loss of the practice and the overall move and the sudden move and the suddenness of everything, like it came out of pretty much nowhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it happened really quick. We kind of had a feeling so we were kind of packing, but there was a lot to move.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I had heard not too long before that, like we're moving soon, let's start packing. And then I'm so glad that we I was like we need to find someplace, we need to start heading out. And then it wasn't long after that we got notified like it's time you got to go and we had made multiple trips to Goodwill to getting rid of things before that.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, but we were in Oklahoma City for about a year. That was not like the place we were staying. Yes, the people I was working with, yeah, that was all fine. It was the company management kind of thing. Yeah, that was very difficult to work for, and so when the the opportunity came to leave, it was time to go yeah, that was. That was an interesting experience and that'll probably move back to where we are now, which is more the middle part of Missouri, yep, about an hour or so away from where we were.
Speaker 2:So we did end up getting divorced in February 12th 2024. Yep In Oklahoma, in Oklahoma, yep. And so that again you know honestly it's like.
Speaker 1:And obviously we're still. We still get along. Yeah well, we're still best friends. Yeah, so it wasn't a bad divorce.
Speaker 2:No, I mean, there's no like.
Speaker 1:I don't know if there's a good one, but yeah, I mean, some of them are ugly.
Speaker 2:I think people like when they find out we were previously married, they're really surprised because of how well we get along.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:They surprised because of how well we get along. Yeah, they're like, married people don't get along this well.
Speaker 1:Divorce people shouldn't get along. We never had a problem with getting along that was never early in our marriage.
Speaker 2:I was, I was the problem I don't know but anyway so um so we're no longer married. We're not, we've moved we still are living in the same space for a little bit longer.
Speaker 1:You could have stayed in Oklahoma, but you didn't and you came this way and you're here. You've just used to practice.
Speaker 2:So you got a new job, which is good.
Speaker 1:Came back here specifically for the job.
Speaker 2:And you asked if I wanted to come along. Bruce has been really nice.
Speaker 2:You've been so nice in letting me to just you weren't working at the time so you couldn't, so I, because I I let my license lapse and so just getting that again. I went through so many weird experiences every time I tried to take the test, like something would happen that stopped it, blocked it, whatever. So, um, anyway, you were nice enough to let me basically like spend time healing, time healing and some PTSD stuff from my childhood like really bad stuff. And then finally I took the exam and I got licensed and so I'm actually starting work myself. Middle of next month Could be a couple weeks away. I've actually completed two books. I'm working on a third one. I haven't published them yet because somebody is in the book Needs to okay stuff. Yeah, I need their approval. That's a different story. So, anyway, I guess I start with this.
Speaker 1:So this podcast is really about the whole what's happened. What's happened? Where are we going? Why such a long break? Although a lot of people don't Listening to this, one won't even know that All the old podcasts are being re-put into where all the podcasts go, and they will have the old dates, so you'll see how old some of these are, and then you'll also see the new ones coming out. So I don't really think many people are going to go back and listen to the old ones, but you never know.
Speaker 2:They might. It was good, I thought they were good yeah.
Speaker 1:So this is kind of like what's happened since then and where this is going, because this is probably going to change. It's going to be different than what the old one was.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one, I'm not going to be part of it anymore, You're not going to be on the podcast anymore.
Speaker 2:No, I may create my own podcast, but I'm just going to safely assume anybody listening to this podcast will probably not listen to my new podcast. Probably not, and that's okay. So I guess we start with me. So I am probably the main reason for our divorce and what. It's true I'm just making faces. It's true I own it and it was, I felt, like the right decision to make, considering why. So let me just recap backwards into my past. So let me just recap backwards into my past. I've known since I was eight that I have been attracted to females because of an incident that I had at eight years old with my best friend and I pretty much didn't do anything with it, even up until the time I met you and I did let him know. I let you know that I was attracted to women, but I hadn't done anything. I didn't know if I'd ever do anything with it. Bruce decided that he was going to give us a shot and marry me, sounds like buying a used car.
Speaker 1:You know kind of drive this until it breaks down.
Speaker 2:It kind of is no, I'm just kidding so, and you know I'll drive this until I break down. It kind of is no, I'm just kidding so and you know we had 27 and a half years of. That we were married, yeah, so. So basically Towards the end, we kind of knew, I think throughout, like I remember in like early on in our marriage, like after we started getting along, it was probably the first 10 years of our marriage were rough, like.
Speaker 1:I think the first five was rough and then it started to get better. But I don't. I don't think any marriage um is obviously no marriage is perfect. Right and it takes work. And when you're newly married and you've been by yourself for a long time, it's because we were older when we got married yeah, there's an adjusting period there. It takes a while.
Speaker 2:And I don't think that it helped at all that I had not dealt with any of my trauma at that point None. And so basically it all unloaded on you because I had a lot of trauma around men. And so you know, marrying you was part of my healing process and I'm grateful for that process and I'm grateful for that. But basically I, we ended up getting married and it was rough in the beginning and, like you said, it kind of smoothed out after that. But I remember, towards the I don't know, maybe about 1520 years in you, I remember you saying to me I know you're going to leave me, I just don't know when. And I was like I am not the person that I commit to a relationship or a marriage with the understanding of I'm leaving. At some point, like at that point, you even said that I didn't see that. So I had no idea like what path my life was going to take and if I would ever do anything with it.
Speaker 2:I went through a deliverance ministry. I went through like a lot of things trying to basically um I don't know how to say it other than un-gay myself. So, um, to change, yes, and so it just didn't go away and so, basically, I finally was like this isn't fair to you. My family was lit. They were not happy I was choosing to go into, um, I don't know, my, my danis, and divorce you, specifically divorce you. And so, uh, that was bumpy. And my mom, she was like she's talking to you now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for a little bit I didn't know that we were going to have a relationship moving forward, because she was making me decide, basically, of choosing to be in the lgbt community, being gay basically, or her a relationship with her. And then she was adamant she would never meet my partner and I was just like I'm gonna love you regardless of what you choose, but I'm still going to go the way I need to go because I haven't like, not my entire life. I've chosen my entire life for other people and I I was just like I'm going to choose to live my life, um, according to what I feel like my heart is at this point. So, anyway, um, that's kind of where I have been.
Speaker 2:Um, after I I had met my, I am in a relationship with somebody, um, I had met her in July. We had agreed to be friends. I went through a journey before I was going through my journey. Already when I had met her, I knew we were kind of in trouble with the practice and I knew what I needed to do with you Pretty much back in 2019,. I kind of heard some things that I should be getting.
Speaker 2:In 2019, like the end of 2019 is when COVID was getting up there was a lot of turmoil and I heard mid-August to prepare and so basically, um, and then again in October, I was like September and October, I knew like that was when I was supposed to like go ahead and separate from you and do the divorce, but there was so much turmoil going on I didn't like it was so much with the practice, it was so much with the world. It was like really, what was going on internally with me just took a back burner and so 2021 came around and we kind of lifted out of that. I almost lost you in 2021 because of COVID and I think we might have talked about that because we ended in 2023. So we probably had a conversation about that in one of the podcasts we had to have. Like, you almost died, I don't think.
Speaker 1:I almost died.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you did?
Speaker 1:I just had pneumonia.
Speaker 2:No, you like, felt unconscious in the back. Never mind, it's in a previous podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, I think if, if the hospital had room for me and they would have taken me and put me on a ventilator, I may not have come out of that hospital.
Speaker 2:And you had to be on oxygen for a while. So that was. That was like it was a space thing and that was it Like why? You didn't end up on that so.
Speaker 1:So pretty much like you go home.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Which the whole thing didn't even make sense because it was people in the waiting room in the ER coughing With people that were not in there sick, it was crazy.
Speaker 2:It was ridiculous the whole, thing, and I got lost in the waiting room for like two hours, two and a half hours, before they figured out I was out there with COVID, not OK, so anyway. So that was a whole traumatic thing too. So, basically, it was like I essentially didn't. Um, I, for so many reasons, I just chose to go a certain path. And you know, looking back now and I I'm just I feel bad because I dragged it for so long. But I also know that everything happens the way it's supposed to happen for a reason, and I don't know what the reason, all the reasons are, but it was where it was supposed to be.
Speaker 2:And so the biggest thing for me was I am not a person where I like to start a relationship until I finished a relationship. I just don't. That's not right to me. So it was like I needed to separate from you, I needed really to divorce you, because that would have been what was right, because I knew that, no matter if somebody was there or somebody wasn't there, it was like I knew the path I was heading on, and to do that to you was not fair. And you know, for me, part of my reason for filing for the divorce or even doing the separation was. You deserve to be loved with somebody's whole heart, and I knew I could not love another man the way I love you. It's just there, isn't that? I loved you as much as I could with what I was going through, but I knew there was somebody out there that could love you with their whole heart, because they're not gay. I don't know how else to say it.
Speaker 1:And yet I'm still single.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm still in your space, just kidding. So, anyway, I basically felt like I needed to make that decision, so okay, so this is a Bible Quest podcast.
Speaker 1:So that was about two years ago probably.
Speaker 2:That was fall. Well, no, we've been divorced for over a year. We separated November of 2022. Okay, the first part of November 2022.
Speaker 1:So it's actually been a little while? Yeah, it's been a little while. And this, oh, go ahead.
Speaker 2:You were talking about the podcast, I think so basically, um this is the part of the that's going to be more relevant to the podcast is, um, I actually lost a lot of my christian friends when I made this decision.
Speaker 2:They walked away from me because I had chosen this versus my Christian faith, and so, for me, I don't believe that God is afraid of me going on this journey or afraid of me asking questions, and so I am asking questions of my faith, I'm asking questions of my beliefs, I'm asking questions of the Bible. So there's a lot of questions that I'm having and I'm going on basically my own spiritual journey where I really don't want anybody, from any side, from any direction, to force feed anything into my head. No, no, you know what I mean. Like I don't want, like somebody that is a buddhist, that is like saying you have to believe this. I'm like let me go on this journey and just see where I land at the end of this, if it is still within the christian faith, and that's where I land. And um, god will know where I ever I am. So it's like um, I appreciate you so much of just not making me believe certain things, or like, can't make you believe anything.
Speaker 1:Or pressuring me you know like that. So that's kind of like the way I look at that. It's like you know, god doesn't pressure us. You know what I mean?
Speaker 2:And this not everybody believes in free will, but and the people that went out of my life do not Interesting Specifically they don't. They were like you are making a choice, basically, but it's not really yours to make. Obviously, you were never saved. Yeah, and you need to get saved and I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:I mean you know God wants us obviously to love him as much as he loves us. I mean you know God wants us obviously to love him as much as he loves us. No-transcript to discover who he is and to fall in love with him. Then do we really love him? It's like robots. Do you know what?
Speaker 2:I don't, because he could have made everybody just be one way and have one, and that's why I have a hard time with people that don't believe in free will because I feel like the purest like for me as just a person. I feel like if I forced somebody to love me, that would not feel good. If you love me of your own free will, that's love and that is beautiful and it's healing and it's so many different things.
Speaker 1:That's a whole discussion in itself of parents forcing kids to do this, and that's why they get out of whatever it is.
Speaker 2:So I went through a deliverance ministry trying to I don't know how to say it un-gay myself. Basically I went through like a lot of counseling. I went. There was so much that I went through. I went through. Basically this is going to sound horrible, I know. I don't know how else to say this, except for just to say what I've come to. The conclusion of is being you never know what I'm going to say I have no idea what you're going to say Um is basically I feel like I was repeating a lot of what I heard.
Speaker 2:I don't know how much of it I believed, and that's what my discovery needs to be is what is it that is of actually my belief? Oops, sorry, Um, versus, like you know, this whole time, one of the hardest parts of my mind to sort and you'll hear in previous podcasts that I am repeating like, basically, the wrongness of being in the LGBT community, not hatred, wise, but just like it was in conflict with the scriptures, but also in my mind, I and my heart, this whole time, my whole life, the one thing I've struggled with not one, the only thing, but one of the main things I've struggled with with Christianity and various religions around the world is against homosexuality, and that has been hard for me because I'm like if two people love each other and you're in a monogamous relationship, I don't see how that can be wrong. I understand, sitting here with you, I already hear you, you can hear what I'm thinking.
Speaker 2:I know you well enough. So basically and you know for everybody that's on this podcast um, listening, um, if your blood is boiling right now, I'm so sorry, but at the same time, this is where I am on my journey and I feel like, unless we are allowed to, like, sit across the table from one another and have an honest conversation without forcing somebody to believe something that they don't, and allowing them hey, let me hear your side of this and, where you are, let me give you any input that I can possibly give and do what you want with it, because there is no forcing somebody to believe something, it's not the same, and I don't think that that is what God would want. And so, essentially, thank you for just letting me go on this journey and just see where it leads me, essentially, go ahead.
Speaker 1:Well, I was just going to say at this point I'm not letting you, I mean, we're not, we're not married no, I mean I'm letting you do it, but I think I'm living in your space, yeah so and I know, and we both know it's a temporary, it is temporary but it's still things get anyways, get worked out and if all that works better for you. I do agree that you can't force people to do things. I mean you can, but they're going to resent or they're not going to.
Speaker 2:You don't force or coerce somebody into something and expect them to fully embrace it fully embrace it, and we literally can't move forward as a society, as a world, without finding some common ground that we can just allow people to be, because there is no forcing, Otherwise we would have all been forced to do one thing that has happened in history, but it's never worked out well.
Speaker 2:No, but I'm just saying it, you know it, just from the biblical standpoint. If you just take the biblical as face value for what it is, nowhere in there is god like you have to. I mean, in the old testament that was kind of different, but that was the israelites um, that was a little different yeah, yeah, but past that.
Speaker 1:But the example that Jesus gives us in his commandments is love one another as I've loved you, yeah, and love others as you love yourself.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, I think people are loving other people as they're loving themselves. They're loving themselves, exactly. So, essentially, what I was trying to say was, each place that we've been, I have, like met a pastor there. So I frequent Starbucks, and happens to be when I was in, when we were in the Oklahoma City area the Starbucks near there I met a pastor. His name was Pastor Greg, and so I would have just conversations with him. And now I frequent a Starbucks here in the Springfield area near the VA, and basically I met another pastor and it was so nice because, um, they're not forcing anything on me. They give me space to basically be who I am, live and express myself the way that I am. Um, and I give them space to talk to me in whatever way that they feel comfortable. So if they want to share about Jesus with me, I will listen to them, and I think that is part of like what I'm appreciating with this journey is, if I'm asking people to let me believe what I want, I need to let them believe what they want to and find that middle ground. So that's part of my journey right now and that's part of the appreciation that I have of being in this space with you and having the ability to do that is nobody is like forcing each other to believe something else.
Speaker 2:So, moving forward, basically I am on my journey of trying to navigate my spiritual beliefs and so, essentially, I have lost a lot of friends through this. I have lost a lot of like do you want to see if that's working Right? No, okay. So basically I am just trying to figure out, spiritually, like, where I am on this whole journey. And you know, I think people would be like I need to figure out my sexuality first, and I feel like I've sorted that for the moment. I feel like I've sorted it. But spiritually, like, where am I with everything? And so I am kind of like branching into a different direction as far as that's concerned. And I know that you have concerns for me and I appreciate your concerns for me and I know a lot of people. I mean, if you're listening to this podcast, I know you disagree with almost everything I just said and you know what. That's OK.
Speaker 1:So obviously that is pretty much the main reason why this podcast. Well, so I'll back up a second.
Speaker 1:So you're probably not going to be on this podcast in the same way that you used to be before, and not unless you haven't had me as a guest of like a difference of opinion so it's, the whole podcast is going to be different than it was and um, so that's another reason why this podcast is happening, to kind of explain why, from this point forward, it's going to be much different, um, content wise, and maybe similar I'm not really sure. Yeah, uh, it'll probably be more interviews with other people, and before it used to be me and you talking about a subject. Yeah, um, so it's just from this point on it's going to be different. It may get renamed, I don't know, but this is. I kind of wanted to do this podcast, um, just because anybody listening to the old ones and if we jump right into something new it'll be like where did she go?
Speaker 1:yeah, what happened to?
Speaker 2:her yeah, yeah because you were like you.
Speaker 1:You were half, sometimes more than half, of the previous podcast. You know the voice on the other on the podcast. So it's going to be. It's going to be different and I kind of wanted to do this podcast because one I wanted to get started back into doing these, because this was always a good release for me to wanting to do something. Okay, the sad part is I'm still not doing anything ministry wise. And it's been three years later and I started it as a way to do ministry type work three years before.
Speaker 2:So it's been six years, I feel like you're taking good steps now, though, and I don't know if you should publicly say what those steps are, just in case people hear this, that you may not want to hear this.
Speaker 1:Well, nothing's happening, other than I'm exploring some options, as far as I've always and I know I said this on a previous podcast that I don't think I'm supposed to be a pastor, and I think whether what I want and what God's plans for me may be two separate things.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And I feel like they're starting to kind of draw the line.
Speaker 1:Lines aren't going to be so parallel, they're intersecting in the future and that may be where I ultimately end up. I don't know. I still have some issues, I think, mentally with it as far as like taking on other people's problems or like just, which leads me to the other thing that I'm looking into, which would be chaplaincy, and that's all about other people administering to them and like when I talked to somebody recently, it's you, you're sometimes talking to people and there's nothing you can do for them. There's no help that you can give them, other than be there.
Speaker 2:I literally feel like you're getting that experience just living with me, are you not?
Speaker 1:No, I'm putting probably more input in with you than I would with somebody in a hospital setting with you than I would with somebody in a hospital setting.
Speaker 2:Actually, you don't give that much input, which I really appreciate, because I don't want anybody to try to influence me. I want to find my own way and if, oh, real quick, if you're listening to this and you're wondering if the old podcast that you hear and the stuff that I said did, I believe that I am journeying to try to figure out what was really my beliefs and what was it. I was just repeating because I was masking, hiding, and so that is the honest truth and I have to be like I felt like I believed it, what I believed at the time. But looking back on it'm I have to be honest with myself and I don't think that, um, god would be afraid for me to have this honest retrospect, because he, he knows, you know, if, if I believe what I believed or if I didn't, I feel like I did believe it.
Speaker 2:But there are certain things, like as far as the LGBT community is concerned, like I struggled with it, I said what I heard to be true of the scriptures, but there was that internal conflict with me that I couldn't reconcile. So I don't know how all that is, but just for anybody listening. It's like I didn't like say all that with the understanding that I was falsifying my beliefs. You know, I felt like I really believed what I was saying back then. With now where I am, it's like I don't know where I sit with all that and I have questions. I have a lot of questions, but you know some I can't remember, unfortunately, some of the ones that Lee Stroud is at his name, basically some of the people that ended up being apologetic apologist, um, because they went on that journey of trying to figure out like a lot of people.
Speaker 1:That's how they do come to faith and and, honestly, how some people come out of the faith.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so um there's so many things that I really struggle with, like when I'm looking at it from where I'm sitting now and I don't know, honestly, where I'm going to land with the whole thing. But I do have like quite a few questions and a lot of struggles and, um, just on the whole, like who, who do you get to love and why is it wrong? That is a big like. That's really hard for my brain. So, anyway, but for you, I'm super excited for where you're headed, you know and I know you're not sure If you know where that is.
Speaker 2:It's ministry of some kind? It is it is. And you know it was interesting because we had a pastor that actually had lunch with us one time and said god has a purpose for you and pointed to me and said she's in the way do you remember that I?
Speaker 2:I kind of don't remember that, but you've said that many times, so I remember that conversation and so basically, um, but it was a pastor that had problems with me, and so, basically, but it was a pastor that had problems with me, yeah, yeah, so it was like he had issues with me. You've been a never mind. What.
Speaker 1:What is it I was going to say? You've just been problematic for a while. I will not deny that I feel like I just I'm joking.
Speaker 2:I have ability to push people's buttons Like I just have. I don't even know what it is, but you know for you. So the podcast will change yeah.
Speaker 1:And it'll probably change more as obviously as I grow and I change. Yeah, my day job is well boy, you almost hate saying some of these things on a podcast that somebody else listens to. But it's probably well known, or at least by the people who make decisions, that they know I'd like to get into ministry, because I made that known when I took the job. So there will come a point where I will probably. It's been over probably 10, 15 years that I've been wanting to make a change.
Speaker 1:I think, that's what I do and I always I feel for me, I always feel like an outsider when it comes to ministry work, because I wasn't like raised in a church. I don't have all this huge background of like 20 years in one church or 10 years in one. And with all the moving we've done, I mean lately it's been like a year here a year there and I'm not able to, like in Oklahoma City.
Speaker 1:I didn't get home, I mean, my work didn't stop until 7 at night. That's about to be my world, and so, on, the only days I had off were mondays, and sorry, sundays and mondays. So I couldn't go to church, but I really was, couldn't do much outside of that, like during the week, because to be part of it I couldn't be part of it because I get out of work so late. So, and now the church I'm going to is a good 40, 45 minutes one way. So it's, you know, I want to be more active with it and I'm going to try. It's just, it's so I don't have like I'm not, I feel like I'm still an outsider, you know, and as far as a chaplain, um, there's so much I don't know about it, you know, and but that may be easier to break into than being a pastor, so hard to say, you know, interesting was the and I think I told you this the pastor that I've recently met at the Starbucks here in Springfield is.
Speaker 2:He happens to be a church planter and I'm like for me there's been so many like synchronicities and so many like weird connections that have happened that I'm like, okay, that's just not a coincidence, like there's a reason, like things are lining up the way they are. So I don't know if, I don't know which direction you're going to go, but I know it's going to be something in the ministry and I'm kind of excited for you.
Speaker 1:Well, another reason why I wanted to get this started back up again is, yeah, there's been a lot of personal stuff going on in the past three years. There's been moves and jobs, and I mean obviously with us and being getting divorced and and then working out the whole. You know, are you staying here? Are you leaving? What's going?
Speaker 2:on. Oh well, we knew that I was gonna do this and I mean there was been so many questions um, and I?
Speaker 1:ultimately, I want to be a writer and publish books, yeah like that's my big goal but along, I mean with all that. I mean the world is still moving. And there's so much going on in the world. And it's like I want to dig back into this some of the stuff we had talked about before and everything that's going on with Israel now.
Speaker 1:And like there's wars going on in the Middle East and there's so much happening that you obviously I don't know, I'm no expert in this stuff, um, but I would love to talk to other people and get their, their more expert opinion and you know honestly it's like and I always I love that and I enjoy talking with those people.
Speaker 1:I did some of that with the other podcast that I started. I when I looked up that podcast, that lasted for about seven months, so that one didn't last very long, and that was more meant to be a men's group thing. And men's ministry is tough because men don't like to do things together.
Speaker 2:They do, you just got to find them.
Speaker 1:You got to just yeah, anyway. So those podcasts are probably going to be added on to these ones as well. I'm going to just kind of put them all in one place. Like I said, there was only seven months of it. There wasn't that many podcasts total. So those will be put in with this too, and I'll try to change the label on those ones so you know which ones are which by looking at the episode list and such. But yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:I still think that's very important. I'd love to do stuff with that. Yeah, I mean, I still think that's very important. I'd love to do stuff with that.
Speaker 2:But that's a hard ministry to do because guys usually have lots of other things they're doing and they don't always I almost feel like any ministry now is really tough because of people's lives and the busyness of people's lives and getting pulled in so many different directions and the fatigue of just everything that's going on personally and in the world.
Speaker 1:It almost feels like a day-to-day survival mode that a lot of people are in you know, but anyways, there's, there's just a lot happening, a lot going on, a lot of things I want to dig into, a lot of things, I want to study. I I'm saying this to you, uh-oh should we make this public? And you'll probably hold me to it. Okay, I know you will. Okay, there's no, probably you'll hold me to this.
Speaker 2:Okay, but I, but it may not happen oh, okay there's just a lot of book ideas oh yeah, see, I was gonna say that I'm like, I don't know if you want me to say that you have some really good.
Speaker 1:There's some good. They're good. It's my thoughts, so, of course, to me bouncing around my head, they're good. I'm not in your thoughts, I think they're good. No, well, there's some subjects that like I want to dig into more and I think like, hey, this would make a cool book, you know, and I'd love to do the research and put it all together and try to make it make sense. You know, um, but yeah, I mean, some of the things are very timely to what's going on in the world right now and literally I think you could turn those into like, um, like going to prophecy conferences and giving talks or something yeah, and I have some ideas on how to host at small churches, local churches, prophecy conferences and stuff, see.
Speaker 2:So yeah, I have no idea where you're gonna go I, I don't either, um, but I do know that I needed to free you to take that path because I think I was holding you back. I don't know, and I think you're probably going to meet somebody that's better suited for you.
Speaker 1:See, there's just things I don't know, and I don't know when it's so dramatic.
Speaker 2:I feel like I'm a lot sometimes. I don't know and I don't know. Not so dramatic like I feel like I'm a lot sometimes.
Speaker 1:I, I don't know, I don't know how that all is going to work out, or and. But you know, in god's timing, yeah, I thought it would probably meet somebody by now, but it's like you know, I don't know if I was. I'm ready. I think I need some time to heal on my own?
Speaker 2:I think so too, you know, I think like one of the things that was hard and necessary almost was there was such a codependency in our relationship Like we almost like lost our own identity in it. And so I think, and I wonder how much that happens in a marriage.
Speaker 2:I think it can happen a lot. I think it's like there's marriages, probably, that it doesn't happen at all because they don't connect well, and then others I think like it can, but I think it like for us to heal from previous relationships and traumas and stuff like that. It needed to happen the way that it did, but now it's like, I think, moving forward both of us don't want to have that again like to where we don't lose our identity and we don't have a separate interest in separate life, and you know what I mean. Like, um, I don't know how to explain that, but I just I feel like you're probably going to end up meeting somebody at some. I hope you do meet somebody at some time because you have a good heart, You're a good person.
Speaker 1:I really don't think God intended us to go through life alone. I mean, that's why he gave Adam Eve. Tell that to Paul.
Speaker 2:I don't think he ever had somebody.
Speaker 1:And Christ didn't. He may have Paul may have been married, okay, but Jesus that's part of being a Pharisee is being married and he was a Pharisee. No, that's true, yeah.
Speaker 2:But he was a young one though.
Speaker 1:It's not written down in the Bible so you really don't know.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:But that's kind of like conjecture. So, anyways, probably we'll start wrapping this podcast up. It may be a little long-ed depending on how much editing gets done with this, but I did want to just start back into doing podcasts again, but I felt like there really was a need to explain everything that went on, because there's a big disconnect between all of the last three years. It's not like the gap between the Old Testament and the New Testament the 400 years in there but obviously there's a. You know, it's not like the gap between the old testament and the new testament the 400 years in there you know, but obviously there's a gap and a lot is going on and it's going to be different.
Speaker 1:It just, by nature, will be different from this point on. Yeah, um, the name may change, it may just be 2.0 you should that, I think, bible quest 2.0. Yeah, the reboot that may be what it is, so uh yeah but I'll at least keep the old ones with the same name on it. And, uh, I don't know frequency, how often I'll be able to do these, um, but I would like to do them fairly often yeah, I think you'll do them more frequently after you have the space to yourself more.
Speaker 2:Oh, maybe like just because I know sometimes you worry about like bothering me or something like that vice versa.
Speaker 2:You won't make such a ruckus, you know whatever, I'm just kidding, but you know, I, I, just I. I would like to say, before we like disconnect this, that I would have to say that the people that just I find it really interesting and I'm I will not reveal names and break trust, please don't't. I won't, I won't. So, basically, I just understand that the people that left my life had stuff in their own closets that I knew about, that they've revealed to me, and yet they were the way, they were with me and basically judged me so hard for the decision that I made and basically judged me so hard for the decision that I made. I'm bringing this up because I really appreciate you and I appreciate the pastors and the Christians that have allowed me to be who I am without being unkind to me. You don't have to agree with one another to still be just kind because it's a fellow human being.
Speaker 1:And sometimes Christians can be rough.
Speaker 2:That left a really bad taste in my mouth.
Speaker 1:Unfortunately, sometimes Christians can be really bad towards other Christians. That was horrible. Well, I mean, I'm not saying you weren't a Christian or anything like that. I'm just saying there's such interdenominational rivalry-ish kind of things going on. You believe this, you're a heretic, you believe this, and a lot of that stuff is not even it's not anything to do with salvation. It's not doctrinal, it's just it's not loving yeah period.
Speaker 2:That's just not. But that's not how we should be no with anybody no, and especially with ourselves.
Speaker 1:And what's?
Speaker 2:hard is like. I see this inside the LGBT community and I see this within the Christian community.
Speaker 1:It's probably more human nature.
Speaker 2:It's just right. It's like if you don't believe what I believe, why not?
Speaker 1:You must believe what I believe You're wrong and I'm right.
Speaker 2:But let me believe what I believe and I'm like that's hypocritical. I don't care what your belief is Like. Everybody should have the right to find their own path and figure out what it is that they believe, because that's free will. And so it's like I hope that the listeners of this podcast even if you disagree with me and you disagree with the LGBT community or other religions or other denominations within the Christian faith, I hope that every one of us can just take a loving stance and be like I can still respect you as a person, even if I disagree with your beliefs, and I think that would just make within the Christian denomination a better place and invite more people to want to be part of it and there's not so much division there and then outside of it, just as the world goes to, the world's never going to be perfect.
Speaker 1:It's a fallen world at least for a little while longer.
Speaker 2:I know you're not going to get very many people to believe in Christ and the Christian faith by spreading hate, though.
Speaker 1:No, you're not going to do that. Nobody is going to be saved by being forced into it or being bullied into it, or just being hateful towards somebody or something and then expect the people to be saved.
Speaker 2:The way I was treated like once I came out of the closet, if you will. The way I was treated was strong enough by the closest people that I trusted that it could have completely turned me away from the Christian faith.
Speaker 1:Probably for a little bit it did.
Speaker 2:I had questions and I didn't link my faith to their actions and thankfully. But other people do and it's like you know. I just I don't care if it's in or out of the faith. You know I don't like seeing people bashing christians either. You know what I mean for what they believe.
Speaker 1:It's just like just let people do what they're gonna do and well you know, you, you, I, I'm just I mean, as long as they're not hurting, people, do what they're going to do, and you know, you, you, I, I'm just.
Speaker 2:I mean, as long as you're not hurting people. Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1:But you're not. I mean maybe somebody can talk somebody into stuff, but but should you, yeah, yeah, you know that's I mean that work to change somebody into, like, really change somebody from the inside? I mean that's that's, that's Holy spirit work. You know what I mean. That's not something that we can plant seeds and we can and we can be loving to other people and and like.
Speaker 2:I feel like if you, if you manipulate me or if you force me or if you do anything that gets me to believe what you believe, I don't even care what it is, and it wasn't of my own free choice. I came to that decision by myself. I am now a robot for you.
Speaker 1:I am now expressing what to do, it to make you happy, and imagine somebody would feel as like they find out they were manipulated into something. Yeah, then they're going to really pull back from whatever that was or forced. Yeah, or forced into something or belief or like, laid all this out, this whole pretense of this, and then you're left with this decision and you make that decision the way that they rigged it, and then you find out all that that they laid out for you was not right.
Speaker 2:But I think that's why so many kids leave the christian faith, when they have the right to make their own decisions, just because it was forced on them to believe and I'm like, I don't.
Speaker 1:I I think that obviously there's something there that's not working out right we're not working out, working out. My goodness, I can't speak I get it out.
Speaker 2:Well, I get there under your same household.
Speaker 1:Yeah yeah, they're a kid and you know I well then, there's always a rebellion-ish period when you're in your late teens and twenties when you're finally on your own and you can do your own thing.
Speaker 2:I feel like I hit that and I don't know if I've stopped.
Speaker 1:I don't know either, I just I there's something with me and authority.
Speaker 2:I know people listening to this are like we see it Okay. So publicly I've said this privately, but publicly I just want publicly I do have a good vocabulary, usually it's okay I do want to say thank you. Thank you for To thank me Well, I don't, actually I don't't, but I want to thank you for just almost 29 years of being in the same space, of just basically the way you've loved me, the way you've allowed me to just be me. I don't know that you had a choice because I'm such a force. Am I wrong? No comment, I am such a powerful force, so no, but you know, like I feel like I've Strong-willed, bullheaded Whatever, what Tomato, tomato. I feel like I've calmed down a lot.
Speaker 2:I feel like my, you've had mellowed a little bit, a little. A little, a little. So basically, thank you for just all those years and just the way that we have basically closed out the cycle of us this chapter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's not the end. I mean, we're going to be friends for a long time.
Speaker 2:But the marriage part is obviously. That chapter is closed. I leave the future of our relationship with a big question mark, because I also understand that you know there is a call that if somebody is of the faith, that if they willingly choose to walk a different way because I did give my life to Christ and so if they willingly turn away, that you're supposed to turn away from them. It. You know, and I know that's scriptural and I know that's what the people did, um, but at the same time it's like whatever happens happens and I won't be angry, I won't have regrets. You know what I mean. It's like it's been such a beautiful, wonderful journey and I really appreciate and love that you have thought to do this.
Speaker 1:The very thing that we're doing right now is, well, I thought it was a fitting thing to do. Especially if I'm going to start a whole new thing with this podcast that we did together for three years, that it was good to have you on for the first one of the new season.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because if you started this whole series and I disappeared, there'll be one. Where did she go? And when Becky shows up, they're going to be like who's Becky? I don't know, I don't know, there's not a Becky.
Speaker 1:There's no Becky at this point.
Speaker 2:I'm not saying there is or isn't. No, I mean, there's not.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm sure there is a Becky somewhere. I mean a part of your life, not a part of my life, but, becky, if you're out there, sorry.
Speaker 2:I'll give you his phone number. Reach out to me on TikTok.
Speaker 1:Just kidding, no, so anyways, really, this is probably going to be like an hour long, so we need to wrap this up, and it may not have been very interesting for those of you. This is the very first podcast you've heard.
Speaker 1:No, you can listen to this on two speed also about on a bible quest podcast, talking about future events and everything. Uh, today's event and events in the future through a biblical lens. I think that is what the tagline is on the logo, um, but that's where it's going to head back to. But this was a good segue from one to the new. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me, I do value your opinion, as always, I don't know always.
Speaker 2:I feel like that's stretchy. I give it to you sometimes and you're like argh. Sometimes I don't ask Most I don't ask Most, I would say most. It's freely given.
Speaker 1:No, but I knew you wanted to say some things and you wanted to say what happened. And I appreciate you coming on and saying that, because I didn't know what to say, like how much to say, what not to say, and I'd rather you say say in your own words. So it's not me saying you are this or you did this or what whatever, because it could be misconstrued probably a thousand different ways.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I appreciate you coming and saying that and everything you did, because kind of just sets a record straight no it's just what it is I'm gay, so and I'm I have a lot of questions on the bible and I am on a long journey and I just thank you for giving me a chance to like put the truth out there of like what it is, so people don't have to speculate like, oh yeah this isn't or coming up with their stuff.
Speaker 1:This isn't that big of a podcast following that, yet People are going to be.
Speaker 2:Yet you don't know where it'll go. Right, it could blow up after this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you never know. Depends on the title, I guess.
Speaker 2:Right, oh my God, she turned gay.
Speaker 1:That could be a title OMG, she turned gay.
Speaker 2:Oh, she's been gay all along.
Speaker 1:I won't do that Okay thank you All right, so I think we're finally done for this podcast. Thank you everybody for listening Again. I'm not sure of frequency, of when the next podcast is going to be out, but I would like it to be fairly regularly. It would be great to do once a week or sooner. But in the beginning I'm not sure, so I'm not.
Speaker 2:I'm not gonna put that in stone or writing anywhere until until it gets watch for his first book too.
Speaker 1:Sorry, coming soon? Yeah, not real soon. Anyways, thank you all for listening. Have a great rest of your day and talk to you again soon.
Speaker 2:Bye. Guys, Bye.